“Perfectionism is not a quest for the best. It is a pursuit of the worst in ourselves, the part that tells us nothing we do will ever be good enough.”

~Julia Cameron, from the book The Artist’s Way

Perfectionism wears many disguises. It can look like a spotless home, a packed calendar, or high achievement at work. But beneath the surface, it’s often driven by fear — of failure, of judgment, of not being “enough.” And it’s absolutely exhausting.

The perfectionist mindset promises that if we just try harder, we’ll finally feel secure. But that finish line keeps moving. Instead of satisfaction, we’re left with burnout, anxiety, and a constant sense of falling short. Even rest doesn’t feel restful when your mind is replaying what you “should” have done differently.

What makes perfectionism so deceptive is that it’s often rewarded. In school, in the workplace, and family dynamics. Perfectionist tendencies are mistaken for discipline or ambition. But behind the gold stars lies stress, negative self-talk, and linking accomplishments to self-worth and identity, all of which take a mental toll that’s rarely acknowledged.

So, how do we shift away from perfectionism?

First, start noticing the voice of perfectionism. It often speaks in absolutes: “I should,” “I always,” “I never.” It equates mistakes with failure and sees vulnerability as weakness. Begin to challenge those patterns with more flexible, compassionate self-talk. “I did my best with what I had.” “Good enough really is enough.” “I am enough.”

Second, give yourself permission to do things imperfectly. Let the dinner be late. Let the project be done, not perfect. Practice tolerating the discomfort of “just okay” — you’ll often find the world keeps spinning just fine.

Perfectionism doesn’t need to be your identity. You are not only worthy when you’re flawless. You’re worthy when you’re human, messy, evolving, and real.

Wisdom for the Road:

• Notice the perfectionist voice and challenge it with kindness and flexible thinking.
• Give yourself permission to be imperfect — embrace “good enough” and let go of impossible standards.
• Remember your worth is not tied to perfection but to being authentically you, with all your messy, beautiful humanity.

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