In a previous post, I wrote about helping our children develop the skill of flexible thinking—if you missed it, you can check it out [here]. But flexible thinking isn’t just for kids. It’s a vital skill for parents too.
The challenge is that we often confuse flexibility with being flaky or a pushover. We worry that if we’re too flexible, our children will walk all over us or grow up spoiled. But in reality, flexible thinking as a parent is about shifting perspective and adapting our approach. It means recognizing that multiple truths and feelings can exist at the same time. It’s the practice of responsiveness, creativity, and open-mindedness in real time.
What Flexible Thinking Is (and What It’s Not)
When we fear being taken advantage of, we may default to rigidity—”my way or the highway.” But flexible thinking doesn’t mean abandoning expectations; it means finding different ways to meet them.
Take bedtime, for example. You might expect your child to bathe, brush their teeth, and pick out clothes—in that exact order. If your child resists the order, rigid thinking may lead to a power struggle. Flexible thinking, however, allows for choice in how the routine gets done, not if it gets done. The child might choose to brush teeth first and bathe second. Same outcome, fewer meltdowns.
Flexibility might also mean partnering with your child—for instance, helping them choose tomorrow’s outfit together rather than doing it solo. You’re still meeting the goal, just with a more supportive, adaptive approach.
Being flexible is not the same as giving in. It’s being attuned to what your child needs in the moment to meet the expectation. (Side note: If you want to learn more about attunement, I have a post on that too—click here.)
Think about a child with a broken leg. You wouldn’t expect them to walk everywhere without help—you’d offer crutches or a seat when needed. That’s not spoiling. That’s meeting a real need. The same principle applies when we consider developmental age: a 5-year-old may need help cleaning their room; a 15-year-old may not. Flexibility is meeting your child where they are.
What Flexible Thinking Looks Like in Real Life
Here are some real-world examples of what it looks like to parent with flexibility:
- Changing the plan while staying regulated. When your child is melting down, staying calm while adjusting your approach can help everyone move forward without removing the original expectation.
- Letting go of the belief that good parents always know what to do. There are countless parenting books and blogs, but in the moment, we’re often caught off guard. Releasing the pressure to have all the answers allows room for problem-solving, not panic.
- Pausing before assigning consequences. Kids are impulsive. That doesn’t mean we have to be. Pause, assess, and get curious about your child’s behavior. For example: “I noticed you took that without asking. That’s not like you—can you help me understand why?”
- Giving yourself permission to change your mind. If you gave a harsh consequence in the heat of the moment, it’s okay to come back and say, “I thought about it more and I’ve changed my mind.” This models humility and thoughtfulness.
Spotting “Stuck” Thinking
You can’t practice flexibility unless you notice when you’re being inflexible. Stuck thinking often shows up when we’re tired, stressed, or emotionally overwhelmed. It can also come from internal narratives like, “I have to be in control at all times,” or “If I don’t handle this exactly right, I’m failing.”
Awareness is the first step. When your default reaction is “no,” pause and ask yourself: Why? If your child wants to eat their snack in five minutes instead of right now, is there a real reason that’s a problem?
Practicing Flexibility in Low-Stakes Moments
You don’t have to wait for a meltdown to flex this muscle. Try it in simpler situations:
- Let your child choose their socks—or even their whole outfit.
- Offer two veggie options at dinner and let them choose.
- Let them pick the movie for family night.
These moments help build your tolerance for ambiguity and your child’s confidence and cooperation.
The Benefits of Parenting with Flexible Thinking
When you model flexibility, you teach your child important life skills: how to problem-solve, tolerate discomfort, and adapt when things don’t go as planned. You also deepen your relationship with your child. They feel seen, heard, and respected.
Flexible thinking invites creativity, humor, and connection—even in tough moments.
Final Takeaways
- Flexibility is not the same as being flaky or permissive.
- It’s about shifting perspective while holding on to your values.
- There are many routes to the same destination.
- Consistency, not perfection, is the goal.
- You’re allowed to pause, reflect, and change your mind.
Thanks for taking the time to read this post. I hope it offered some useful reflections—or maybe just affirmed that you’re already doing the work. Either way, know this: parenting is hard, and you don’t have to do it alone.
If you’re looking for support, I offer parenting services and would love to help. My contact info is below—let’s connect.
Jennifer Bailey, LCSW & RDT
jbaileytherapyservices@gmail.com
Schedule a session with me through Grow Therapy
jbaileytherapyservices@gmail.com 
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