Self-awareness is the ability to tune into your own thoughts and feelings, and notice how they are influenced by your actions. It’s not something that magically kicks in when we go off to college or enter adulthood—we’ve been doing it our entire lives. We begin our journey of self-awareness in infancy, when we discover how our fingers and toes move, when we experiment with sound by moving our mouths and making noise. As we grow, we learn who we are through interactions with our caregivers:
“You’re so smart.”
“You’re so silly.”
“You’re so kind.”
Children internalize what they’re told. These words begin to form their sense of self:
“I’m kind.”
“I’m a good friend.”
“I care about others.”
Eventually, we reach a stage in development where we begin to look inward for a sense of identity, rather than relying solely on the external messages we’ve absorbed (although the external influence never completely disappears).
So here’s the question:
What would it be like if we approached getting to know ourselves with intention?
What if building self-awareness wasn’t just something that happened, but something we actively practiced throughout our lives?
Knowing ourselves well helps us predict how we might react in a given situation. This self-knowledge enables us to make more thoughtful, grounded choices—especially in parenting. It’s the foundation for navigating life, both for ourselves and for those we are raising.
The Invisibility of Self-Awareness
The work of building self-awareness is invisible—no one else sees it, but they feel its impact. Our spouses, friends, coworkers, and especially our children, don’t see the internal work we do—they see the results. If I’ve built the habit of taking deep breaths and using positive self-talk when I’m frustrated, what others notice is simply that I’m breathing. They don’t see the mental and emotional work behind it.
Self-awareness is deeply connected to self-reflection. It’s about slowing down and asking yourself:
“How does this person/place/situation make me feel?”
“What thoughts are showing up for me right now?”
Because this process is invisible, it’s easy to forget to do it—especially as parents. With so much on our minds, we often run on autopilot, letting automatic responses take over. But our children deserve more than just our default settings. They deserve our presence—conscious, thoughtful, attuned parenting.
There’s also a lot of societal pressure to “do right” by our children. But how can we show up for them effectively if we’re not checking in with ourselves? To quote the wise philosopher Ice Cube:
“Check yo self before you wreck yo self.”
How Self-Awareness Impacts Parenting
Being aware of our emotions, thoughts, and patterns has a huge impact on how we parent. Here are just a few benefits:
- Emotional Regulation: When we notice our emotions, we’re better able to stay in our thinking brain instead of reacting from a place of stress or overwhelm.
(If you want more on this, I wrote a separate post about emotional regulation—check it out.) - Breaking Intergenerational Patterns: Self-awareness helps us interrupt unhelpful or harmful habits passed down from our own upbringing, so we can do better for our kids.
- Authenticity: Knowing ourselves allows us to model honesty, vulnerability, and congruence. Our kids get to see what it looks like to be real.
- Repair: When we’re aware that we’ve made a misstep, we can take responsibility and apologize. This teaches our kids how to own mistakes and rebuild trust.
Ways to Build Self-Awareness
Self-awareness isn’t a one-and-done thing—it’s a lifelong practice. Here are some ways to strengthen it:
- Journaling: Writing things down can help you recognize patterns and process your experiences.
- Mindfulness Exercises: Simple breathing, grounding, or body scan practices can increase your awareness of the present moment.
- Self Check-Ins: Ask yourself throughout the day, “What’s going on for me right now?”
- Curiosity During Parenting Moments: When your child does something that triggers you, pause and ask, “What am I feeling in my body right now?”
- Metacognitive Questions: These are questions that help you think about your own thinking. For more on that, check out my earlier post: To Think or Not to Think…That Is the Question.
In Summary:
- Self-awareness is tuning into your own thoughts and feelings, and recognizing how they’re influenced by your actions.
- Knowing yourself allows you to make better choices, especially under stress—it’s foundational to navigating life and parenting.
- The work of self-awareness is invisible, but its impact is visible to everyone around you.
- Self-awareness helps us regulate emotions, break old patterns, be authentic, and make repairs when needed.
- You can strengthen your self-awareness through practices like journaling, mindfulness, check-ins, and reflection.
Parenting is hard—and you don’t have to do it alone. I offer parenting support services to help you on this journey. If you’d like to set up a time to chat, my contact information is below.
Thanks for taking the time to read. Whether this post gave you something new or just affirmed what you’re already doing, I hope you walk away feeling more grounded and supported.
Jennifer Bailey, LCSW & RDT
jbaileytherapyservices@gmail.com
Schedule a session with me through Grow Therapy
jbaileytherapyservices@gmail.com 
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