In this day and age of filters, influencers and photoshop its easy to present yourself in the best light possible. Social media creates this perception that everyone is constantly watching you. Now this naturally occurs in human development during adolescence, the imagined audience. But now there actually is an audience, faceless followers (or in some cases bots) that can provide warm well wishes or harsh criticisms. We put our lives on the internet with the full intention to get a reaction from others. To get likes. How many times have you heard an influencer or youtuber say “like and subscribe”. We have been wanting to be liked by others since the dawn of time. Now it is taken to a whole new level with social media. Humans now hope and crave for that thumbs up beside their posts. I’m guilty of it too. I hope that my post about the funny interactions with my kids gets likes, loves and laughs. I hope this post gets likes. We are stuck in a cycle of scroll, post, like and repeat, I’m worried. How many of us our basing our success, or even more worrisome, our self-worth on the likes we get from people ranging from family to strangers. We ask others to “like” us, but I want to know, do you like yourself?

How do you know if you like yourself?

For some this header and question may be easy to answer. I know I like myself because I feed myself or I wash myself or I take myself to get a massage twice a month. All good answers and if you take yourself for a massage twice a month high-five for you. For purposes of this article, when I ask you if you like yourself I’m not talking about do you meet your basic human bodily needs (hunger, thirst, sleep). I want to know how do you talk to yourself in the harder moments of life. I want to know what do you say to yourself when you make a mistake? How much grace, compassion or kindness do you give yourself? Liking yourself is more than just the things you purchase for yourself. Its how we talk to ourselves. Liking ourselves is our abilities to create and uphold our boundaries. Liking ourselves is disengaging from negativity or toxicity. Liking yourself is choosing to let go instead of holding the grudge. Liking yourself is being able to recognize your accomplishments. Liking yourself is accepting compliments and being able to be your own cheerleader. How we think of yourselves and how we talk to ourselves is one of the biggest indicators of if we truly like who we see when we look in the mirror.

What happens when you dislike yourself?

There are many times that we brush off the negative comments we say about ourselves. Some of us are so good at it that it his presented as humor. We can create joy and entertainment for others at our expense. Even humor that is self-deprecating is undervaluing yourself. Now on occasion making a joke that is at your own expense doesn’t mean you hate yourself. But if you are consistently putting others before yourself or consistently doubt yourself and your capabilities, it could be a problem. If you have a hard time saying no or your overly critical of your judgements or flaws, it could be a problem. If you are struggling to look at yourself literally or metaphorically as a person worthy of compassion, kindness and respect, it could be a problem. Consistent negative thoughts about oneself can have a negative impact on your mental and physical health. You spend the most time with you out of anyone else ever, so why are we not taking the time and effort to foster a healthy and productive relationship with ourselves?

How do you like yourself?

I feel like this article is my soap box moment. Sorry, not sorry I am not stepping down just yet. I wanted to provide you with some quick things you can do that will get you on the right path of liking yourself.

• Positive affirmations (post them on the fridge or the mirror of your bathroom)
• Saying two positive things about yourself when you make a negative comment about yourself.
• Give yourself 1minute to notice all the things you did well or accomplished today.
• Talk to yourself the way you talk to your best friend.
• Give yourself grace when you are trying new things or working to make life changes.
• Stand in front of the mirror and notice 5 things that you like about yourself.
• Spend time getting to know yourself better-this could look like
  • Making time to notice your thoughts and feelings
  • Go on a date by yourself
  • Engage in activities that bring you joy

• Set boundaries around how much of your time and energy you give to others. And only offer your time and energy when you feel like you have enough to give.
• Praise your efforts as much as you praise the completion of a task or achievement of a goal.
• Keep a journal
• Talk to a therapist

I know you just read through this whole article. Your brain may be throbbing right now. So here are the main take aways, to carry with you:

• Liking yourself is more than just the things you purchase for yourself. Its how we talk to ourselves. Liking ourselves is our abilities to create and uphold our boundaries. Liking ourselves is disengaging from negativity or toxicity. Liking yourself is choosing to let go, instead of holding the grudge.
• There are many times that we brush off the negative comments we say about ourselves. Some of us are so good at it that it his presented as humor. If you are consistently putting others before yourself or consistently doubt yourself and your capabilities, it could be a problem. Consistent negative thoughts about oneself can have a negative impact on your mental and physical health. You spend the most time with you out of anyone else ever, so why are we not taking the time and effort to foster a healthy and productive relationship with ourselves?
• Take a look at the list of suggestions above on quick things you can do that will get you on the right path of liking yourself.

I appreciate you taking the time to read this post, as I’m just trying to offer a few words of wisdom in a complex world. I hope you found it helpful or maybe you are already doing all of what I suggested, and it just feels good to feel affirmed. Life has its challenges, and I am here to help. I offer individual therapy services to help you in this journey called parenthood. If you would like to set up a time to chat my contact information is below.

Jennifer Bailey, LCSW & RDT

jbaileytherapyservices@gmail.com

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