Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me. That’s a load of crap. Words very much have the power to hurt, damage and destroy.

Pop quiz, your best friend comes to you distraught. They said that they made a mistake a work or they feel like they are failing as a parent. What do you say to them?

1. I’m sorry that’s happened. Is there something I can do to help?
2. You do so much for others, what self care thing that you do to help yourself right now?
3. How could you make those mistakes? What were you thinking? You are so stupid.
4. Everyone makes mistakes, think of this as a learning opportunity.

I am going to go out on a limb and say you probably would have chosen any of these responses to tell your friend, accept C. And you wouldn’t choose C, because you want to comfort your friend, you want to be there for them. However, I would bet you say response C to yourself. We tend to save kindness, empathy and understanding for our friends while we save the mean, hurtful and negative comments for ourselves. So in this post, I’d like to talk to you about positive self-care.

How we talk to ourselves influences how you view yourself and your ability to navigate any given situation.  Let’s say you are working on a task that is proving to be difficult to finish. What are you saying to yourself while you are working on it. Are you encouraging yourself to keep going or are you telling how unintelligent you are. How we speak to ourselves on any given day is a strong indicator of how we view ourselves and ourselves in the world.

I want you to do an exercise, set your timer on your phone and set it for 30 seconds. During that 30 seconds I want you to make a list of all the things you did well or the positive things that happened to you today. Go ahead I’ll wait.

All done? Excellent. How are you feeling in this moment right now? You just listed all of the positives. Was it easy or was it hard. Did you have a laundry list of positives? Or was it hard to think of anything positive you did today? Maybe you thought this would be easy but when it came time to actually bring them to the forefront of your mind maybe you only came up with four. Maybe you’re feeling a little defeated that you didn’t notice the positives.

Now, set that timer again for 30 seconds. I want you to think about making a mental list of all the things that didn’t go well today. How are you feeling now? Stressed, anxiety overwhelmed? I promise that is not my intention. What I am trying to get at here is our thoughts can quickly go from 0 to out of control. And by taking the time to actively notice if your thoughts are positive or negative we can ground ourselves and not give into every single thought.

I want you to make goal for yourself to try, just for today, to talk to yourself positively. I’m not asking you to be all sunshine and rainbows. I’m asking you that when there is a moment that is really hard or frustrating maybe you notice 3 things you did well. Naturally when it comes to other people, especially those we care about, most of us are good at being other people’s cheerleaders. All I am asking you to do is be a cheerleader for yourself. If you completed 3 things on your to do list, celebrate it. Give yourself a “good job”.

I know you just read through this whole article. Your brain may be throbbing right now. So here are the main take aways, to carry with you through the rest of your day:

• Positive self-talk is a big influence on how we view ourselves and our capability in the world.
• Participating in negative self-talk can lead to increased feelings of overwhelm, anxiety and self-doubt.
• For the rest of the day try to notice the positive things that you do.

I appreciate you taking the time to read this post, as I’m just trying to offer a few words of wisdom in a complex world. I hope you found it helpful. I offer individual therapy services to help you in this journey called life. If you would like to set up a time to chat my contact information is below.

Jennifer Bailey, LCSW & RDT

jbaileytherapyservices@gmail.com

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