Relationships are a major component to a human being’s life. The influence we have on one another as people can either make our day or ruin it. If you have been reading my blog posts you are familiar with attunement in relationships. Today, people pride themselves on being individuals, originals and one of a kind. Everyone in one way or another wants to feel special, and my hope is everyone is able to have a chance to have that experience. We think that if I get enough followers, or likes, then I will get that moment where people notice I’m special. What people forget is, if you have strong, supportive, and reciprocal relationship(s) having the experience of feeling special will come.

Right before I say something hard to hear, whether it is with my friends or my clients I tend to use the catch phrase “I’m going to say something provocative”. I say this as a warning to prepare the receiver of my statement.  What happens is the listener gets tense and perhaps a little worried, however upon hearing my statement they realize its not as bad as they thought. I say this to you because I’m going to say a provocative statement, well more like question. What would it be like if we shifted our focus from how many likes we get or if our post has gone viral, to my circle of family or friends who support and are there for me? What would it be like to deepen the relationships with the people who truly cherish you rather than strangers on the internet?

You may be thinking, ok you say this, but you are writing a blog with the hope of many people reading it, hypocrite much? I would say you are partially right. I am wanting and hoping a lot of people read this blog post. However, my worth or, in my case, my professional capabilities are not contingent upon the number of likes this post gets. As human beings, as naturally social creatures we need to remember part of what helps us get through life’s hard times are relating to others. Specifically, relating to other humans who we deem as supportive, loving and kind to us. So when with think about self-care we need to consider and hold in mind that our relationships. Our relationships need self-care too.

Relational self-care are activities that help you maintain healthy and supportive relationships. If you read my article on attunement, “Harmonize with your Child” you may remember me asking you think about a relationship that makes you feel supported. That when you are around that if feels as though you can take a sigh of relief because “your person” is with you.  That relationship that you think of, needs to be fostered and taken care of just as your physical, emotional, and psychological parts of yourself do. And if you haven’t read my article on attunement, you should it’s a good read (if I say so myself).

The chart below is a list of examples of ways to practice relational self-care. It’s broken down into two categories:

The next chart has a list of examples of the various activities to help with relational self-care. In looking at this list, notice if anything sounds intriguing to you.

When choosing a self-care activity to incorporate into daily life, its best to start small. Choose one thing on this list and start off by doing it once a week. If that is enough for you great, keep it there. If you find you may need more perhaps your physical self-care activity needs to happen each day or once a week. Whatever you choose and whenever you choose to do it, your self-care activity should be something that replenishes you, so you are able to get back to your daily functioning and responsibilities.

I know you just read through this whole article. Your brain may be throbbing right now. So here are the main take aways:

• Relational self-care are activities that help you maintain healthy and supportive relationships.
• As human beings, as naturally social creatures we need to remember part of what helps us get through life’s hard times are relating to others. Specifically, relating to other humans who we deem as supportive, loving and kind to us. So when with think about self-care we need to consider and hold in mind that our relationships. Our relationships need self-care too.
• When choosing a self-care activity to incorporate into daily life, its best to start small.
• Your self-care activity should be something that replenishes you, so you are able to get back to your daily functioning and responsibilities.

I appreciate you taking the time to read this post, as I’m just trying to offer a few words of wisdom in a complex world. I hope you found it helpful or maybe you are already doing all of what I suggested, and it just feels good to feel affirmed. Life is hard and I am here to help. I offer individual services to help your life journey. If you would like to set up a time to chat my contact information is below.

Jennifer Bailey, LCSW & RDT

jbaileytherapyservices@gmail.com

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